Helping Your Child Face Unfair Punishment and Bullying

Many children experience harsh treatment at some point while growing up. Even something as simple as being made to stand as punishment, when it’s unfair, can leave a child’s spirit wounded. And when a child encounters bullying at school, it can leave serious psychological scars. Helping children work through the real difficulties life throws at them tests a parent’s wisdom. I use our regular Family Time to watch for anything unusual going on in my four children’s lives, dig out the root of the problem, and walk with them through life’s highs and lows, soothing their wounded hearts.

Punished for Drying Her Clothes at Lunch

More than ten years ago, when our second daughter was in junior high in Taiwan, she and another classmate were assigned to carry the class’s steamed lunch boxes back to the classroom one day when it happened to start raining. It was impossible to hold an umbrella and carry the lunch rack at the same time, so the two girls just dashed through the rain, soaked through. During the lunch break, our daughter went to the school clinic to dry her hair, shoes, socks, and feet — only to be punished by her teacher, who made her put her wet shoes and socks back on and stand in the corridor outside the disciplinary office as a public example.

When our daughter came home from school, she poured out this painful story during our Family Time. Not only was she deeply hurt inside, she’d also caught athlete’s foot, which took quite a while to fully treat. I asked her whether she’d tried to explain to her teacher. She said the teacher had scolded her sharply, insisting that the whole class was supposed to nap at their desks with no exceptions, and wouldn’t even listen to her side of the story.

During Family Time, we prayed together for our daughter, listened carefully to her side of things, and became her emotional support. She told us all she’d wanted was to dry herself off so she wouldn’t get sick, and she didn’t want to be late for class either, so she’d used her lunch break to clean up. I praised her resourcefulness — she’d had the wit to use the hand dryer in the school clinic to dry her clothes — while the other classmate, afraid of getting in trouble, hadn’t dared break the rules. The teacher had even told our daughter, ‘That other student could put up with staying wet — why couldn’t you?’

Seeing how deeply wronged my daughter felt, I wanted to speak to the teacher directly or write a note in her school communication book. But she insisted it wasn’t necessary — she felt the teacher was firm in her position and believed she’d handled things properly in her own mind, and that my stepping in would only make things worse. She said she understood why the teacher enforced strict rules and punished anyone who broke them, since it made managing the whole class easier. That taught me something important: when a child is willing to face a difficult situation on her own, a parent needs to learn to let go, and let her meet life’s challenges head-on, building up her resilience. Sure enough, years later, our daughter chose to study early childhood education, and because she’d developed such a sensitive heart, able to understand children’s innocent mistakes and find the right way to teach them, the price she paid back then finally bore fruit.

Peer Pressure from the Wrong Crowd

Speaking of school bullying, our eldest son had always been well regarded by his teachers back when he was in fifth grade in Canada. One day, unusually, his teacher sent me a warning, asking me to tell him to stay away from a group of students in his class who were giving the teacher a hard time. So we used our Family Time to find out exactly what was going on.

Our son explained that lately, whenever the teacher was giving a lesson, a group of boys kept causing an uproar, making it impossible for her to keep control, so she’d decided to draw up a list and have the school step in. He also told us that one classmate liked to use recess to egg on a handful of other kids into causing trouble — like wrecking the snowman castles some girls had built. Once, they’d tried to rope him into it too, and when he refused because it didn’t feel right, the group turned on him with nasty words. No wonder his teacher had hinted that I should warn him to stay away from that crowd.

Around that time, we happened to be reading a Bible passage that said to ‘abstain from every form of evil,’ and so as a family we brainstormed together how our son could face this challenge. Beyond praying for those classmates, our son also tried talking to one of them, telling him he didn’t agree with the group’s habit of wrecking things. The two of them then went and talked to the others, until eventually only the ringleader was left, and one boy alone couldn’t stir up much trouble. In the end, the whole thing was defused peacefully, without further incident.

Looking back, our hearts are full of gratitude — truly, when there’s a real relationship, nothing is too hard to handle. Because of the way we’d invested in Family Time, our children already had an open, smooth channel of communication with us, so when a serious problem came up, we could bring it straight to the table. That way, our son didn’t have to face it alone — the whole family stood with him to work through the difficulty, make wise choices, and share in the joy of growing through it together.

Falsely Accused of Theft

In 2013, we moved to Los Angeles for a year so I could pursue further studies, and the whole family came with me. Less than a month into the new school year, our son, then in ninth grade, found himself caught up in an incident where he was called to the vice principal’s office to have his bag searched. I remember that day I was busy working on my own assignments when I noticed him sitting at his desk, staring blankly for a long time. Sensing something was wrong, I asked him what had happened, and it all came pouring out of him, tears and all, as he told me about the ‘injustice’ he’d suffered.

Having just transferred to a new school, he’d been trying to widen his circle of friends. The day before, he’d had lunch with a few classmates, and in the middle of some horsing around, he saw Classmate A slip a flyer into Classmate B’s backpack. Thinking it looked like fun, he borrowed the same flyer from A and copied the prank, slipping it into Classmate C’s backpack.

Nothing came of it that day, but early the next morning, Classmate D ran up to tell my son that Classmate C’s wallet was missing, and that since he’d seen my son touch C’s backpack the day before, he assumed my son had stolen it — and D said he was going to report it to the school. Classmate A also came by and said it must have been my son. Our son told them he hadn’t stolen any wallet and had no idea what had happened.

Halfway through second period, our son was called to the vice principal’s office, and his backpack and lunch bag were both searched. He was terrified — he’d never gone through anything like this — and the school even wrote up an investigation report and had him sign it. At lunch, our son went to express his sympathy to Classmate C over the missing wallet, and when he learned it had been a gift from C’s mother, he felt even worse for him and apologized that this had happened. He told C he hadn’t taken the wallet, but if it would make him feel any better, he was willing to give him twenty dollars as a gesture of goodwill. To his shock, C then demanded a hundred dollars to really ‘make it right.’

As our son told me the whole story, worked up with emotion, I calmly wrote it all down — partly to keep my own emotions from getting swept up in his, and partly so I could analyze it carefully and understand exactly what had happened. I could tell there was more going on here than met the eye, even as our son held on to his simple, trusting innocence. It was clear he’d been set up and framed by a group of streetwise classmates, and then reported to the school.

I went to the school to ask why they hadn’t proactively notified the parents — if I hadn’t noticed something was wrong on my own, I never would have known something this serious had happened to my son at school. The school’s response was that this wasn’t really a big deal; whenever someone filed a report, they simply took a statement and closed the case as a matter of routine, without any deeper investigation. They never even asked what had been in the wallet, how much money, whether there were any ID cards inside, and so on — because, they said, items go missing on campus every single day.

I finally understood how the school handled such things, and realized that digging any deeper would be pointless; even if we pressed the issue, the administration was never going to admit they’d handled it wrong. Afterward, we told our son this had been a deliberate trap, and that he needed to steer clear of that crowd. As the saying goes, you don’t gain wisdom without going through something first, and he went on to make new lunch friends, taking an interest in a classmate in his class who had a physical disability. They started eating lunch together, and he’d keep him company playing table tennis during gym class — putting love into action. I could see he’d learned another priceless life lesson.

Watch Closely, Guide Promptly

In the end, whether a child faces unfair punishment or bullying, investing in Family Time lets parents stay attuned to what’s happening at school. When a child’s spirit has been wounded, parents can step in promptly to encourage and comfort them, respect their decisions, and walk alongside them — guiding them to face hardship with courage, so they grow a resilient character and become a blessing to others.

Facing Unfair Punishment and Bullying

1. Control your emotions — never lash out in anger.

2. Understand the situation — listen as your child tells you what happened.

3. Analyze it rationally — write down the whole course of events.

4. Face it together — pray together with your child.